my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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