Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I party with great urgency now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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