just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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