areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
