yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
