I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
