yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
