what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
