Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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