I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
