I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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