the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i've created a new STD.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
