I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
