Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
