im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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