Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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