3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
