You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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