Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
