Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The beer is more important than you right now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
