I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
