you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
