The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
