This girl is more easily done than said...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
