so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
