My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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