I look better un-naked...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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