when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize