not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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