Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
