4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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