Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
