while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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