In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
