Duck Duck Cougar?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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