I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need water and some morals
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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