Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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