Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
