I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
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I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️