talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!