that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...