i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.