We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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Hippo gnu deer
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.