Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
