My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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