ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
