no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
