It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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