Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.