ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.