idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME