Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.