I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
