girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
