I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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