My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
