walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
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A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
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Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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