Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Randomize
