oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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