I can tuck mytits in my pants
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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