How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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