Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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