Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
