Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
